Facebook Status Update Awards

Okay, we have embraced Facebook and welcomed it into our lives - it has become a major influence and powerful manipulator of public opinion. We already give awards for many entities in our culture - it seems time to initiate the same for Facebook.

Facebook Status Update Awards

The Zuckers
In honor of the mastermind, Mark Zuckerberg

To recognize and reward those who embrace the medium of status updates

Get a Life - Updates that are too mundane, pithy, and trivial
What about me? - Too self-centered
Who gives a shit - Useless observations and opinions
Get your finger off the key - Overuse of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and other punctuation marks
Its just not that funny - Inappropriate use of LOL
Too much pussy - Too many silly kitten/cat videos
WTF? - Unbelievable, just doesn't make sense
Winklevoss - Swiping an update and claiming it as your own
Stop yelling at me - INAPPROPRIATE USE OF CAPS
Wish I'd thought of that - Truly thoughtful witty and clever
Big Bang - Novel, unique, never read before
LOL-S - Actually laughed out loud - seriously!
Family time - Sweet and sincere
Shakespeare - Well composed and well written

Samples of inane updates
The response to most of these is: "So what?" "Who cares?" Are the lives of these people so ego-driven that they feel we must know these details?

Sweet sentiments that should be said in person, not on Facebook: