Facebook Status Update Awards

Okay, we have embraced Facebook and welcomed it into our lives - it has become a major influence and powerful manipulator of public opinion. We already give awards for many entities in our culture - it seems time to initiate the same for Facebook.

Name: Facebook Status Update Awards

Nickname: The Zuckers, In honor of the mastermind, Mark Zuckerberg

Purpose: To recognize and reward those who embrace the medium of status updates

Categories
Get a Life - Updates that are too mundane, pithy, and trivial
What about me? - Too self-centered
Who gives a shit - Useless observations and opinions
Get your finger off the key - Overuse of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and other keyboard symbols
Its just not that funny - Inappropriate use of LOL
Too much pussy - Too many silly kitten/cat videos
WTF? - Unbelievable, just doesn't make sense
Winklevoss - Swiping an update and claiming it as your own
Stop yelling at me - INAPPROPRIATE USE OF CAPS
Wish I'd thought of that - Truly thoughtful witty and clever
Big Bang - Novel, unique, never read before
LOL-S - Actually laughed out loud - seriously!
Family time - Sweet and sincere
Shakespeare - Well composed and well written

Samples of inane updates
The response to most of these is: "So what?" "Who cares?" Are the lives of these people so ego-driven that they feel we must know these details?





Sweet sentiments that should be said in person, not on Facebook:


A sweet notice written to a dead person so the writer's friends will be impressed with his love and sentiment:

He really just wanted us to know that he owned a Mercedes:

Who does he think cares:





www.jamesrobertwatson.com/zuckers.html